Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
