I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
