After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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