she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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