Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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