I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
