I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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