I wish my penis had an off switch
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
