ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
