I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
