he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
