Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
