Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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