): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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