I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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