is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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