Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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