During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
