Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
