yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
