I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
