Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
