You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
