does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im about as happy as oj after his trial
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
