It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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