It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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