Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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