I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
