I miss vodka workout Fridays
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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