I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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