I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
