Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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