You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
