He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
