just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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