'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
time to smoke my breakfast
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i think i just lost a toe
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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