hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
