i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
