Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
