Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Apparently you make a good broom.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
