I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
