I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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