Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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