I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
