apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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