This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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