i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
