So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
