i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
