I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
