He asked to "fluff my boner.."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
