Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
