So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
