nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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