I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
