I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Sponge bath it is.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
