You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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