So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
